MyOfficeTools
The Office Survival Toolkit
Funny, useful tools for meetings, emails, buzzwords, icebreakers, and every other completely normal part of corporate life.
- Innovation theatre conditions
- Quiet quitting conditions
- Hyperlink graveyard
- Workback schedule optimism
Satirical daily forecast. Not based on real external data.
Buzzword of the Day
Featured Tools
Serious tools for deeply unserious workplace problems.
Icebreaker Threat Assessment
Assess the awkwardness, oversharing risk, and inclusion concerns of any icebreaker prompt.
Status Update Translator
Turn raw notes into a polished status update. Or turn a polished update into something honest.
Executive Statement Generator
Generate authentic corporate nonsense on demand. Includes plain-language translation.
Meeting Cost Calculator
Calculate the real cost of your meetings in time, money, and equivalent working days.
Workplace Recovery Time Calculator
Calculate how much company time you reclaim through reasonable workplace breaks. Satire.
Meeting Outcome Predictor™
Predict what will actually happen during a meeting before it happens. Statistically inevitable.
Corporate Jargon Forecast
An unannounced stakeholder has been added to this afternoon's call. Their role is unclear. Their expectations are unknown. Prepare for scope expansion.
Satirical forecast. Generated from local data. Not a real weather or workplace service.
Tool Categories
Write your email subject line last. By then you know what the email is actually about.
From the Survival Guide
Practical advice, delivered with appropriate levels of sarcasm.
Strategic Alignment Watch Issued
Conditions are favorable for a major alignment event. All teams should monitor.
Synergy Advisory Issued for the Greater Office Area
Elevated synergy levels have been detected. A formal advisory is now in effect.
Meeting Storm Season: What to Expect
Annual forecast for the Q4 meeting surge and how to prepare your calendar.
How Not to Run a Meeting That Creates Three More Meetings
A practical guide to meetings that end with decisions, not follow-up meetings about the meeting.